Q: Boundaries Part 5 - "Timing is Everything"

"We don't deal much with facts when we are

contemplating ourselves." ~ Mark Twain

Setting boundaries requires that you pick the BEST TIME to meet with your team, colleagues, employer, employee, spouse, family member or children.

Mentally plan a win/win outcome before you even start your communication. Consider what the other person would consider a win for him/her and how they will benefit too by you setting better boundaries with them.

Starting such a dialogue can feel very awkward and uncomfortable especially if you're concerned about the other person's response. ie. anger.

To ensure you have a healthy adult to adult communication, make sure you avoid words that express blame. ie., its your fault or you never listen.

11 Steps - To Effective Expression of Feelings:

1. On your own, connect with your heart and the importance of that person to you.
2. Begin your dialogue with sincerity, connecting from your heart and consciously desiring a win/win outcome and not a win/lose.
3. Notice your tone of voice as you speak ensuring it is gentle and calm.
4. Make sincere loving eye contact.
5. DEFINE what you want from the listener. "I only need you to hear me right now and not try to find a solution."
6. Speak about yourself and how you're feeling and avoid using 'you' words as much as possible. "I want you to know how I'm feeling right now...I am upset or angry because..."
7. Share the importance of your honesty and integrity with yourself. "I need to be honest with myself and with you because..."
8. Take ownership for any given situation - that means putting the blame on you vs the other person. "I apologize that I have not shown much enthusiasm when you speak with me" vs. "you always ignore me when you walk into the room."
9. Connect with what you ultimately want. "I want to love and be loved in my life again." vs. "You never listen to anything that matters to me"
10. Learn to be comfortable with all your emotions. If you wish to live in balance - then you'll need to feel anger, sadness and plenty of those emotions most people pretend they don't have. Don't make them wrong! They are automatic responses. Give yourself permission to feel all of your emotions and express them in healthy ways instead of bottling them inside you and harming your health and relationship too. Losing your Self Respect, Self Confidence and Self Esteem is huge price tag!
11. Be sincere and open about your discomfort with you're feelings. "What I'm about to share with you is uncomfortable for me and you may not initially like what I have to say, please simply hear me out..."

Keep in mind - if you are emotionally charged, you will be very ineffective in expressing and setting good boundaries. If you need to vent - do so by walking, exercise, punching a bag or screaming into a pillow to let out your steam, before you speak to anyone. Otherwise, you will not be able to have the calm and connection to express yourself effectively.

And oh you fellows, you might not have to say anything or solve her problems as she's expresses her frustrations. By simply listening without making any comments at all -that may be all she needs from you. So NO need to fret and try to help her find the solution...all she needs from you sometimes is "LISTENING" ~ now that was easy!

Your Coach,
Nada

About the Author:

Nada Adams is a Business Intuitive who brings razor sharp Clarity to support her clients in Maximizing their Success and Fulfilling their goals while Living in Peace and Balance. If you're ready to hear the REAL truth of what's holding you back and ready to take the necessary actions, then you are ready to work with Nada.

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