Q: Setting Boundaries Part 4 - Saying 'NO'

'No' - a tiny word that packs quite the punch and is feared by most people...why? Because without learning how to say 'no' again, you will NOT achieve healthy boundaries.



Why do most of us resist using this tiny word? For the most part - we are avoiding the feelings of 'Guilt.'


Next time before you answer 'yes' - I suggest you ask yourself the following question: "Why am I saying 'yes' to this question?" Is it to genuinely help out, needing to look good or am I repeating my old patters that cause me stress?



By saying 'no' - all your past programming will surface - just notice what your mind and feelings start telling you:

• How could you not be generous and say yes?


• How selfish of you (Guilt)


• Now what is that person thinking of you?


• Now you can be more useful and important by doing this?


• What to go for being rude and impolite

Here are 10 Tips for saying 'no':

1. Make cue cards with your potential answers &
   Practice daily verbally saying your 'no' script


2. Keep the cue card handy where you usually need to say 'no'.
   ie. beside your phone at work and at home.


3. Take time to respond - eg. "Let me check my calendar first and get back to you."


4. Make the answer of 'no' about you and not their cause or question. eg. "Thanks for your offer and I really need ot say 'no' for me."


5. Create a policy statement (makes you sound official): If businesses do, why no you?
   eg. "We have a policy to only support children's charities and our portfolio for donations is full at the moment."


6. Honor your priorities and put your foot down to what matters most to you. eg. "say 'no' to interruptions at dinner or having the work cell phone on after 7pm."


7. Be Brief: No need to give a full detail explanation as to why you need to say no. Simply say 'no thank you' and continue being in your power by managing the voices inside your head by saying mentally, "No is my right to say and exercise."


8. Build your 'no' muscle: Develop the habit of saying 'no' every day to smaler requests so that you get the necessary practice to grow your 'no' muscle to say 'no' to bigger requests. Remember buy time, if you're not strong enough yet.


9. Use other mediums: If you don't have the strength at first to say 'no' verbally, say it using a different medium - ie. email, letter or voice/text message. Remember to keep this brief too.


10. Manage your mind frick: when we exercise our right to say 'no', our minds may send us guilty messages from old habits. Simply reply mentally, 'Thank you for sharing. This is for the best. My rights are important and need honoring too."

If you practice all of these steps, you will experience a new level of self esteem and self confidence and people will respect you more - guaranteed! Even if they are disappointed by your answer of 'no' - you will still have their respect for speaking your truth!

Nada Adams, a Success-RESULTS Coach, Empowers Parent-Entrepreneurs to live Authentically with Integrity by using Powerful Intuitive Customized Solutions to create more balance, more well-being and more wealth! Experience NO-BS intuitive 1 on 1 coaching today! For a LIMITED time ~ schedule your initial complimentary coaching call today by visiting: www.vipresultscoaching.com & Sign up for the VIP Connection "Be Authentic; Be Enough" to jump start each and every week!

© Copyright 2008, Nada Adams and VIP R.E.$.U.L.T.S. Coaching Ltd. All rights reserved.

Q: How to set GOOD Boundaries - Part 2

"Get over the disease to please.
Understand you cannot please everyone.
Being able to disappoint others is crucial to reclaiming your life." ~ Oprah Winfrey

If only we were taught as young children to set good boundaries; instead we were taught to please others. . . hmm - at least we can teach our children now IF we lead by example.

Checkout the following of Old Limiting Beliefs and Your Truths:

O: I am responsible for everyone's happiness
T: Being overly responsible for others is actually manipulative and disabling.

O: I'm selfish & self centered to think about me all the time.
T: By thinking about me, I am taking care and protecting myself.

O: I'm not important.
T: I'm as important as my partner.

O: It's not safe to reveal my feelings if they disturb the other person.
T: My needs are just as important as the needs of others. I have the right share my feelings and stand up for what I need and want.

O: I'm always nice and ready to please whoever asks me for help.
T: By setting good boundaries, I am helping and teaching others to know how to treat me, so they'll know what I will and will not allow. I am taking care of myself and I'm the one responsible for my integrity and the health of all my relationships.

O: It's important what people think of me; always obey authority.
T: Others learn to trust me when I set good boundaries. My integrity is noticed and respected and that is much more important than being liked.

The need for constant approval from others will deprive you of your self-respect and self-esteem therefore, causing you to be in a lose/lose scenario.

If you've developed a habit to continually cave-in (becoming a door mat) with your children, spouse/partner or friends so they'll love you more, well...the opposite will actually occur.

In time, those loved ones will not love you more but rather STOP TRUSTING YOU and you'll complain of being filled with self-directed anger and resentment.

You can't give what you don't have. . . You are MORE VALUABLE to your loved ones, when you love yourself!

Assignment:
Q: Have you ever done something out of fear and old limiting beliefs, said 'yes' to someone when you really meant 'no' and then resented the whole thing?

What would happen, to the person you were dishonest with if they found out you were resentful helping them out?

Do your actions of being so called 'nice' increase or decrease the trust in this relationship?

If you answered YES to the initial question, imagine what a different positive outcome could have been had you spoken your truth keeping your integrity?

Nada Adams, a Success-RESULTS Coach, Empowers Parent-Entrepreneurs to live Authentically with Integrity by using Powerful Intuitive Customized Solutions to create more balance, more well-being and more wealth! Experience NO-BS intuitive coaching today!
For a LIMITED time ~ schedule your initial complimentary coaching call today by visiting: www.vipresultscoaching.com & Sign up for the VIP Connection "Be Authentic; Be Enough" to jump start each and every week!

© Copyright 2008, Nada Adams and VIP R.E.$.U.L.T.S. Coaching Ltd. All rights reserved.